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Young Writers Society



The Trinity Test

by Inhospitable Truffaut


Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you

As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;

That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend

Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

John Donne, Holy Sonnet XIV

“No one is under any illusions; after this everything will be different.”

“But nothing is meant to remain the same, Robert; it is for Man alone to shape his destiny. It is up to him to usher in the new epoch of his development; his evolution.”

“Perhaps, Leslie; but at this cost?”

At this stage, neither man felt compelled to conform to any cordial formalities; at this stage they simply didn’t matter. Titles like “Doctor” or “General” are inconsequential - simple words incapable of standing up to the inconceivable energy about to be unleashed. And after all, by breakfast, there may be no one left to utter such words again.

Dawn spilled across the desert, and with it came the shrill, thunderous enunciation of lightning. The frightening event was smothered across their expressions, their spines still chilled by the riotous boom echoing in the heavens. And as he looked out the rectangular window, General Groves saw the gods careening through the skies, their chariots rumbling as lightening grumbled and diminished in significance. At 4:45 a.m, a technician entered the room, stating that the crucial weather report was favorable. They have, at last seceded to Man’s will he thought, knowing that the time of the gods to relinquish their dominion over the world had now come.

A clock on the wall read 4:51 a.m and underneath it, the date: July 16th. How many hours has it been now since I’ve slept? Robert wondered as he tapped his fingers on the desk, where he sat facing the man opposite. Shall I ever sleep again? As Groves struck a match and lit a cigar, Robert’s gaze was transfixed by the flame, and in its searing light he found Prometheus dancing. Encapsulated in the flame, Robert found a stream of thoughts which seemed to have been leading up to this very point in history: his tenure at Cavendish Laboratory, graduating from the University of Göttingen, an entire lifetime culminating in this instant. His memories - innumerable images, now without time or space - blurred into a singular cohesive mass, expanding outwards only to envelop his thoughts, annihilating everything but this moment. And as he tried to recalled a lifetimes worth of achievements, Robert realized, in that singular moment, that it had all be in vain. The match fell to the ground, its flame extinguished under Groves heel. As he stared, Robert couldn’t help but smirk at the vulgar display of power, a pompous imitation of control.

“They’ll remember you for this, for what you are about to achieve here today.” Groves dragged deeply on his cigar, clouds of smoke and carcinogenic ash billowing around his head.

“Of that, I have no doubt.” replied Robert. “All I can wonder of now, however, is the manner in which history shall record my name: in glory or disgrace.”

A look of bemusement washed across Groves face. “I don’t know if I’ll ever understand you, Robert. You’ve spent so many years working on this project, countless hours striving towards the enhancement and progression of all mankind, why you’re possibly the only person who can’t see the genius behind the work you’re doing.”

Robert’s face maintained a complexion marred by anguish, a frown suspended by perturbed hindsight. “I once thought,” Robert began, “that in Science, man could find a way to understand, and eventually control, the force of Nature. In his endeavors Man strove to become more than he was… it is only now that I understand this to be the dream of an idealist. Somewhere along the line I lost my respect for that force, and I can now only pray that this mistake has not led us towards a cul-de-sac, culminating in mankind’s demise… it strikes me as quiet befitting that this path leads to the Jornada del Muerto… if you can appreciate that kind of irony, General, then surely you can understand the perils inherent in this double edged sword we now wield… whether we like it or not, my fear is that it is now too late to yield its terrible power.”

Groves looked on in fascination. “But isn’t upheaval inherent in the nature of scientific discovery? The world did not transform from a flat body to a spherical one overnight, such a development was too grand in its magnitude simply to be accepted at face value.”

“Yes, but when the world gained its third dimension, the transformation didn’t threaten to wipe out the planet in the process… who can honestly say what manner of repercussions this experiment will have on mankind’s development, or its history, or economics… indeed every aspect of his future. I don’t know if I have authority to claim responsibility for such actions… perhaps no one has that power.”

Groves could not help but look at his friend with fascination; while listening to his words he could not comprehend their deeper meaning. “You know,” said Groves, “Fermi offered a wager on whether or not the blast would end up igniting the atmosphere. Kistiakowsky's wagered a month pay that it wouldn’t work at all.”

“I know,” replied Robert, “I bet him ten dollars that it would.” A somber smile crawled across his face.

The door opened slowly and a soldier entered the room, saluting the general. “Sir, the other technicians are leaving for the bunkers now.”

“Very good… well then Robert, I‘ll see you on the other side.” After shaking hands, the pair left the room and entered the dull July morning with General Groves taking his transport back to the base camp.

And as he considered the brilliant, neon horizon of the new morning, Oppenheimer’s eyes perceived the field of Kurukshetra, and in its timeless folly he heard Vishnu in the sky, chanting his persistent mantra to Arjuna, reminding him never to neglect the interminable, destiny meant only for him; his duty.


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Fri Mar 23, 2007 12:00 am
Meep wrote a review...



I liked this. I really liked this.
I particularly liked how you didn't come out and say "the atomic bomb," but left that for the reader to figure out. (I didn't quite get it until I saw the name "Leslie" and "Groves." I remembered him because Leslie is my name.)

In terms of grammatical Issues, I think that "doctor" and "general" don't need quotation marks, but italics. It just looks better. Other than that, I didn't see anything that jumped out at me, but please hard return between paragraphs. It makes it easier to read. Your prose was a little purple, too.
(Oh, and "and with it came the shrill, thunderous enunciation of lightning" doesn't make much sense. Lightning is silent, naturally.)

That reminds me, if there's lightning, how is the weather acceptable for testing?

You mention several religions here: I'm seeing Hinduism(?) at the end, Catholicism at the beginning, and even Greek gods (the chariots and suchlike). Was that intentional, or did I miss something? (I skimmed a little, the text block is hard on my old eyes.)

(Oh, and do go and introduce yourself. :wink: )




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Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:46 pm



[quote="Lilyy03"]First off, kudos for taking on this topic. ^_^ I've always found the events and people of that era to be fascinating. They were on the brink of changing history in an amazing, exciting, terrifying way...[quote]

Thank you for the constructive criticism, always appreciated. I feel, however that I should clear up a few points. Firstly it was always my intention to keep the pair identity somewhat ambiguous. my hope was that anyone reading the story would at very least recognise the name Oppenheimer however i did realise that not many people would know who he was. This was not one of my concerns. I felt that it was in keeping with the feel of the story, it was the final few moment before the birth of a new age, at that stage one one needed to state what was about to happen.

and with regards the scripted feel of Oppenheimer's dialogue, I believed that those final moments called for something more poignant than the average dialogue, history was about to be made, there was no place for minor gestures, simply thoughts.

As well as this, I wanted to keep its length to around 1000 words. Under such circumstances, you have to make every word count. I shall leave it up to others to argue whether or not i achieved that end. I think I did. That will do for me

And as for spelling mistakes, I read over the story about 6 times checking for them, very upset about that.




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Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:41 pm



[quote="Lilyy03"]First off, kudos for taking on this topic. ^_^ I've always found the events and people of that era to be fascinating. They were on the brink of changing history in an amazing, exciting, terrifying way...[quote]

Thank you for the constructive criticism, always appreciated. I feel, however that I should clear up a few points. Firstly it was always my intention to keep the pair identity somewhat ambiguous. my hope was that anyone reading the story would at very least recognise the name Oppenheimer however i did realise that not many people would know who he was. This was not one of my concerns. I felt that it was in keeping with the feel of the story, it was the final few moment before the birth of a new age, at that stage one one needed to state what was about to happen.

and with regards the scripted feel of Oppenheimer's dialogue, I believed that those final moments called for something more poignant than the average dialogue, history was about to be made, there was no place for minor gestures, simply thoughts.

As well as this, I wanted to keep its length to around 1000 words. Under such circumstances, you have to make every word count. I shall leave it up to others to argue whether or not i achieved that end. I think I did. That will do for me

And as for spelling mistakes, I read over the story about 6 times checking for them, very upset about that.




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Thu Mar 22, 2007 7:59 pm
Lilyy03 wrote a review...



First off, kudos for taking on this topic. ^_^ I've always found the events and people of that era to be fascinating. They were on the brink of changing history in an amazing, exciting, terrifying way...

Though, of course, there's the possibility that what's going on might not be evident to everyone who reads this. You don't give a lot of background information about when this is taking place, and what it was they were working on. It didn't bother me, since I've learned a lot about it myself (I rather liked that it focused on what went on in that specific, brief period of time rather than going on about what led up to it). But I think this piece could be a bit confusing for people who don't instantly know what the Trinity Test was, and they'd kinda miss out on the magnitude of what you're writing about...

Overall I thought it was pretty good. I think you did a good job of portraying Oppenheimer's personality and his feelings about the bomb, as well as the contrast provided by Groves.
You have some very nicely phrased points as well:

Titles like “Doctor” or “General” are inconsequential - simple words incapable of standing up to the inconceivable energy about to be unleashed.

I liked how you juxtaposed the titles with the explosion.

The match fell to the ground, its flame extinguished under Groves heel. As he stared, Robert couldn’t help but smirk at the vulgar display of power, a pompous imitation of control.

Very nice as well, and it pointedly shows the difference between the two men.

Though, it felt as if there were some points where your style almost became overbearing. Remeber that you don't always need metaphors, personifications, and lengthy wording to make something profound. I'd suggest trimming it down slightly in some places.

Some of the dialogue didn't seem very believable. Oppenheimer was an intelligent, educated person, yes, but some parts of this seemed as if he was reading out of a carefully constructed script. Particularly, this part:
“I once thought,” Robert began, “that in Science, man could find a way to understand, and eventually control, the force of Nature. In his endeavors Man strove to become more than he was… it is only now that I understand this to be the dream of an idealist. Somewhere along the line I lost my respect for that force, and I can now only pray that this mistake has not led us towards a cul-de-sac, culminating in mankind’s demise… it strikes me as quiet befitting that this path leads to the Jornada del Muerto… if you can appreciate that kind of irony, General, then surely you can understand the perils inherent in this double edged sword we now wield… whether we like it or not, my fear is that it is now too late to yield its terrible power.”

This seems more like a speech than a conversation. I'd suggest at least interspersing some action with it. What was Oppenheimer's body language as he spoke? What did the General do as he listened? Oh and also, go easy on the ellipses (...).

About your last paragraph, and its reference to the Bhagavad-Gita: I always thought of that as something that came to Oppenheimer just as he witnessed the explosion, not as something he'd contemplated beforehand. Though I don't suppose anyone actually knows for sure when he thought of it...

There were a few small typos, so read this over carefully.
And as he tried to recalled a lifetimes worth of achievements

Should be "recall", and "lifetime's".

By the way, have you watched this? It's very short, and I'm sure you've already read what he says. But his tone and gestures are quite... poignant, I suppose. It might help you make your portrayal of Oppenheimer even better.

Anyway... again, well done on this.




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Thu Mar 22, 2007 7:05 pm
LilacsandLilies wrote a review...



Honestly, I thought this was kind of boring. There didn't seem to be much happening except two guys talking about a project that was never really described. I had to read it twice to even understand what they were talking about.

I also didn't ever really figure out where or in what time period this was taking place. I'm thinking it takes place in the near future, but the way they talk and act doesn't seem to fit with that for some reason. It was hard to understand any of it because there were so many unneeded words thrown into your sentences.
Quote "Dawn spilled across the desert, and with it came the shrill, thunderous enunciation of lightning. The frightening event was smothered across their expressions, their spines still chilled by the riotous boom echoing in the heavens"
I loved the picture this made in my head, but the descriptive words were a little excesive and over dramatic. The expression, "smothered across their expressions" just doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

I did like how the gods were involved and Robert was aware they were there, although I don't really understand the purpose they served. I liked how Robert wasn't completely sure that mankind finally having complete control over the world was a good thing because it makes you kind of feel like something might go wrong.

I only found a few mistakes and I'll point them out.

Quote "And as he tried to recalled a lifetimes worth of achievements, Robert realized, in that singular moment, that it had all be in vain."
Recalled should be recall and lifetimes should have an apostrophe (lifetime's) I think.

Quote "...it strikes me as quiet befitting that this path leads to..."
Quiet should be quite.

Overall this was written well, but it just wasn't very interesting or catching.





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